Knowledge is Power… But Can Also Suck

There is so many good reasons to get testing done. You have a 50% chance of finding out why you keep having miscarriages. You can learn of ways to prevent another one. You can find out something about your own health that could be worthwhile knowledge (like your body is trying to kill your thyroid). There are so many good reasons, but there are some bad ones as well.

Firstly, there is the fact that you might find out that you could have completely avoided losing two pregnancies. At least thyroid wise, had we known about this sooner, we could have possibly avoided losing two pregnancies. It would have been being monitored from the get go so that we wouldn’t run into complications. So my two losses were more than likely avoidable.

So this is leaving a bit of guilt on me. I have avoided checking my thyroid for years because 8 years ago it was fine. I had no symptoms that I noticed like losing hair or gaining weight, so I figured I was good. Had we been checking it yearly, had we known this was a problem… I would more than likely have a baby in my lap instead of a phone. That is on me, no matter what way we slice it.

Another thing someone might have to come to terms with is never finding out why it is happening. Then you have to decide how many losses are worth it to just keep trying blindly… is two losses your done point? What about eight? Or nine? Or ten? Will you be okay with never knowing how to fix a problem that doesn’t seem to exist in scientific reasoning? I’m not sure I would.

I’m sure there are even more reasons than those. That is just what I’ve come up with so far on my own “journey”. I don’t regret testing. The knowing it is preventable is better than the shitty knowledge that they were preventable. 

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