I’m on a couple different online support groups these days. Going through loss brings a need for it. Every time someone new pops up in these groups we all have very similar responses. We are sorry you joined the club. We are sorry you have to go through this. We are here if and when you need us. I however usually add a few more things. Be kind to yourself during this time, and try to bury yourself in hobbies or distractions.
The latter is what I’m going to discuss today. If anyone was around me right after my second loss, they’d know I probably seemed a little manic and obsessed with finding a cause and solution to our miscarriage problems. I buried myself in researching, and while it gave me something to do, it probably wasn’t the healthiest way to avoid the emotional downfall waiting for me. So after a week, I started looking for other things to distract me.
Sometimes you can go back to old hobbies that you find comfort in. Since I only seem to crochet for babies that don’t come to exist, I really couldn’t turn to that. I had to wait for better weather to start running (fuck treadmills). And while World of Warcraft is wonderful, and my friends on there are fabulous, socializing felt too hard. Seriously, if I could have hidden from everyone but my husband for the first four weeks, I would have done that.
So I found new things to get into. I started learning French. I started a body weight fitness program. I became a little obsessed over my diet. Then I found bullet journaling…. And life as I know it has become a little more fun with it.
Way back when before babies should have been on my mind, I used to love using my school planner. Nerd, I know. However, writing out all my homework and study sessions, planning around dance and theater, and even doodling and writing quotes for my future self was my favorite thing to do when I was bored in class. Bullet journal is like an even better version of that!
I plan out my days, my workouts, my diet. I have a page of gratitude that I try to write in daily. I now have 2 pages dedicated to tracking thyroid things. I track my habits so that I want to do them (because let’s all be real, checking things on a list is sooooo satisfying). Then I get to do all these cute doodles and quotes just because I like them. It’s awesome.
Even better, it’s a distraction from the “what’s next” steps of trying to grow our family. In this book, I focus on making myself better. I focus on my new, shitty French skills. I check how my workouts are going. I remind myself to take thirty minutes to read a book. I check in with myself physically and emotionally. In this small book is a hobby and distraction that I need.
Finding something like that for yourself while going through grief is good. Being lost in your pain 24/7 helps no one. It can take you down dark places as you lose yourself in the waves of sorrow. Taking a break from it, however small is good. It’s needed. So go on and find your bullet journal, whether it is writing, reading, running, punching bags of sand. Find something that gives you joy of only for a couple minutes a day.